Corollary to the Infinite Monkey Theorem:

Given an infinite amount of time, a William Shakespeare punching at random on a typewriter would almost surely, out of frustration, eventually fling poo.

when I can:
    choose how I spend my time.
when I cannot:
    choose to be content with how I spend my time.

Uberserfs toiling.
Ubermarks coyly deny.
Ubertwits cackle.

There exists one person, such that this person plus you equals one.

The proof is left as an exercise for the reader.