Category Archives: Personal

Time Traveler

Years ago I went on a future-trip
To an unimaginably distant land
Full of wonders and richness I was unworthy of

Where the natives growled and howled and snarled
Throwing rocks and stones and barbs upon me
Whispering “you don’t belong! you don’t belong!”

Now I live in that distant land
And find no natives, but travelers
All whispering “Do I belong? Do I belong?”

Yet my mind still lies to me and says
In the future lands I must visit
I am unworthy. I do not belong.

Uncharted territory amateur cartographers fight to put their communities on the map

Things I Have Discovered While Running In The Dark

A giant pink dildo in a bear-proof trashcan in San Francisco’s Presidio.
More people are asleep than awake. 
A man collapsed with a needle in his arm on Sixth Street.
At times we all run alone in the dark.
A stray brown dog that ran with me up a Turkish mountainside.
We are rarely as alone as we think.
A homeless woman cheering me on on Market Street.
Friends will run along side us no matter how dark it is.

Shivering in the fog overlooking the Golden Gate Bridge.
We have limits.
Gently jogging to meet the sunrise over the Oakland Bay Bridge.
The importance of conservation of energy.
The lights of Waikiki twinkling below the pill boxes atop Diamond Head.
We have hidden reserves.
The kind ER doctor who inquired if I planned suicide in Mission Bay.
Our limits are often not what we think they are.

An eight-foot-tall clown’s head protruding from fog in Stern Grove.
The absurdity of it all.
Accidentally stumbling upon the Little Mermaid in Copenhagen.
The serendipity of life when we let go.
Volunteers with orange sherbet at mile twenty-two in Napa.
The pride of going the distance.
Clanking masts gently kissing in the Dubrovnik harbor.
The love that awaits our return.

A freshly-murdered man at Christmas Tree Point.
We cannot stay awake forever. 
Coyotes scurrying by in Corona Heights.
When we awaken it is time to start running.
Resting a moment in a New Orleans’ graveyard.
Recovery is part of the journey.
The drifter asking “what time is it?” on Billionaires’ Row.
When awake, the answer is now.

The lights of Waikiki twinkling below the pill boxes atop Diamond Head.

Headwinds

The canvas of society
Is blown by the furies of the populace
As we sail the oceanic void of existence.

The passions push as we run downwind,
The bullets fly as we reach,
And the renegades howl as we close haul.

Without the revolutionaries we’d be in irons,
And most times the dangerous blowhards
Fly through the sail to die parched alone.

And yet I cannot help but fear
The storms that blow over our bow
Shall wreck us this time.

Almost, But Not, Symmetrical (4)

Family.

We all have them.
Our parents had them.
Our’s inherit from theirs.

We play with them.
Sometimes we indulge them.
Sometimes we regret.

We fight with them.
Sometimes we expel them.
Sometimes reunions are … complex.

Yet…

When we acknowledge,
Without subservience,
Their individuality…

When we honor,
Without worshipping,
Their power…

When we forgive,
Without condoning,
Their mistakes…

When we discipline,
Without anger,
Their transgressions…

When we support,
Without coddling,
Their struggles…

When we praise,
Without semblance,
Their growth…

When we accept,
Without shame,
Their flaws…

When we cherish,
Without limits,
Their totality…

Beauty becomes them.
We become whole with them.
We learn the nature of love.

Demons.

We all have them.
Our parents had them.
Our’s inherit from theirs.

We play with them.
Sometimes we indulge them.
Sometimes we regret.

We fight with them.
Sometimes we expel them.
Sometimes reunions are … complex.

Yet…

When we acknowledge,
Without subservience,
Their individuality…

When we honor,
Without worshipping,
Their power…

When we forgive,
Without condoning,
Their mistakes…

When we discipline,
Without anger,
Their transgressions…

When we support,
Without coddling,
Their struggles…

When we praise,
Without semblance,
Their growth…

When we accept,
Without shame,
Their flaws…

When we cherish,
Without limits,
Their totality…

Beauty becomes them.
We become whole with them.
We learn the nature of love.

File:Buddha, resisting the demons of Mara, Wellcome V0046085.jpg -  Wikimedia Commons

Almost, But Not, Symmetrical (3)

Those who enter the cathedral

Through the back door
On their hands and knees
Covered in filth and fleas

And who sit in back
Shaking back and forth
Praying quietly

Tend to look up
As though their lives
Depended on it.

Because it does.

Those who enter the cathedral

Through the front door
On their own two legs
Covered in frocks and finery

And who sit in front
Heads held proud
Proclaiming loudly

Tend to look side-to-side
As though their lives
Depended on it.

Because it does.

Every day this San Francisco Church provides the homeless with blankets and  'sacred sleep' in its pews - Upworthy

Almost, But Not, Symmetrical (2)

There are two types of pain …

Beautiful pain strikes our ego.
Beautiful pain strikes our pride.
Beautiful pain builds us up.
Beautiful pain teaches love.

Ugly pain strikes our soul.
Ugly pain strikes our honor.
Ugly pain tears us down.
Ugly pain teaches hate.

… that in the moment, are hard to discern.

Beautiful pain can feel ugly today.
Beautiful pain feels beautiful tomorrow.
Our minds cannot discern,
But our hearts know which is which.

Ugly pain can feel beautiful today.
Ugly pain feels ugly tomorrow.
Our minds cannot discern,
But our hearts know which is which.

Both hurt, in different ways; …

Beautiful pain hurts.
Beautiful pain is a struggle.
Beautiful pain transcends suffering.
Beautiful pain nourishes.

Ugly pain hurts.
Ugly pain is a struggle.
Ugly pain amplifies suffering.
Ugly pain kills.

… and both can break us, if we let them.

Fear walks away from beautiful pain.
Deceit weakens as we lie.
Isolation inspires others
To leave us to our fate.

Fear turns to embrace ugly pain.
Deceit weakens as we lie.
Isolation inspires others
To leave us to our fate.

Yet both can serve us …

Courage turns to face beautiful pain.
Integrity protects as we strengthen.
Vulnerability inspires others
To face their beautiful pain.

Courage walks away from ugly pain.
Integrity protects as we strengthen.
Vulnerability inspires others
To face our ugly pain.

… to grow.

Meet the 71-year-old powerlifter encouraging other women to weight-train |  The Independent | Anita Dawn Wellbeing

Series: Almost, But Not, Symmetrical

My Cup

Sometimes when my cup is half empty,
Sometimes when my cup is half full,
Sometimes when my cup runs dry,
Sometimes when my cup flows over,

I remember,
Holy shit
I have a cup!
I have a cup!