Monthly Archives: January 2021

Thought #17

The sun will explode in a fury some day.
But probably not tomorrow. 
And the ritual of its waltz with the earth and the stars
Soothes me so. 

Twirl glorious fireball, twirl! 
Spin blue marble, spin! 
Twinkle diamond necklaces, twinkle! 
I know your ritual is temporary, but on your lifespan no less real than mine.

Sun stars planets Earth space wallpaper | 2560x1600 | 311535 | WallpaperUP

The Function Of Humility

Let t = 0 be the start of my life, t = T be the end of my life, and now() be this moment in time.

And let’s define four functions, anxiety ( a ), serenity ( s ), forgiveness ( f ) and laughter ( l ) such that

a(t) = \left\{ 	\begin{array}{ll} 		1  & \mbox{if I feel anxiety about being in control at time } t \\ 		0 & \mbox{otherwise} 	\end{array} \right. \\ \\ \\ s(t) = \left\{ 	\begin{array}{ll} 		1  & \mbox{if I feel serenity about the illusion of control at time } t \\ 		0 & \mbox{otherwise} 	\end{array} \right. \\ \\ \\ f(g, t) = \left\{ 	\begin{array}{ll} 		0 & t < now() \mbox{ and I can find forgiveness in my heart at time } now() \\ 		g & \mbox{otherwise} 	\end{array} \right. \\ \\ \\ l(g, t) = \left\{ 	\begin{array}{ll} 		0 & g < 0 \mbox{ and I allow myself to laugh at time } t \\ 		g & \mbox{otherwise} 	\end{array} \right.

Then, while it is so painfully true that my moments of anxiety far surpass my glimmers of serenity

\displaystyle \sum_{t=0}^{now()} s(t) - a(t) < 0

As I write this poem I notice that I feel at peace

\displaystyle s(now()) - a(now()) = 1

And if I can allow myself to laugh, then it is provable for any instance of time t I can push anxiety away

\displaystyle l(s(t) - a(t), t) \geq 0

Therefore it is technically possible that with laughter the moments of serenity can surpass the moments of pain

\displaystyle \sum_{t=0}^{T} l(s(t) - a(t), t) > 0

But if, and only if, I can stay positive for long enough such that the rest of my life I accept there is no such thing as control.

\displaystyle \sum_{t=now()}^{T} l(s(t) - a(t), t) > \sum_{t=0}^{now()} l(s(t) - a(t), t)

This gives me hope that if I can find laughter in my heart, it’s possible to live a positive life.

Yet, I am now that at the point in time where in all probability my time remaining on this planet (T - now() < now() ) is shorter than the time I’ve spent. I am in the back half. Depending on the remaining length of my life T , even if I accept each day I cannot control anything, there is not enough remaining time to balance the scales with laughter alone. Maximizing \sum_{t=0}^{t=T} l(s(t) - a(t), t) is not enough. But then again, perhaps this is the wrong function to optimize. Instead let’s define the function humility ( h ) by combining laughter ( l ) and forgiveness ( f ) such that

\displaystyle h(t) = f(l(s(t) - a(t), t), t)

Then if I can find forgiveness in my heart right now()

\displaystyle h(t<now()) = 0 \implies \sum_{t=0}^{T} h(t) = \sum_{t=now()}^{T} h(t)

We find the past no longer matters, and given in this moment I feel at peace ( s(now()) - a(now()) = 1 ) then with laughter and true forgiveness, the future can be shown to be positive.

\displaystyle \sum_{t=0}^{T} h(t) > 0

What’s more, if I can laugh in the face of my anxieties, keep forgiveness in my heart, and recognize that control is but an illusion, as I approach the infinite I can become one with the divine.

\displaystyle \lim_{t\to\infty} \sum_{t=0}^{\infty} h(t) = 1

The proof is left as the exercise of my life.